10 principles

10 principles of the Importance of family relationships-

Kelsey Kimball (Taylor)

Family is stronger together-

Family is stronger when they rely on each other. Father and mother both have an important role in the family to take care of their children. It is crucial for them to love and care for each other as well as for their children. With both parents in the home it is easier for children to feel safe and secure. When knowing that their parents love each other it will bring peace of mind to a child. It is also very important to have both father and mother because they both have important and crucial roles in the family. With the father in the home there is protection from outside dangers as well as the safety that comes from having a home and food. With a mother there is the compassion and care that comes from a caring mother with clean clothes and prepared food. I believe that they have opposite and equal roles that help children be taken care of completely.

Born that way?

There has been confusion in the world about the gender roles. Yet Heavenly father created Adam and eve to be husband and wife. This means that he created a man to love and take care of a woman, and woman to love and cling to a man. He made our bodies and therefore biologically we are meant to be attracted to the opposite gender. This also means that before this life we already had our genders and were either male or female. The world has become corrupt and has caused confusion in the lives of young people. Sometimes a child will act differently than what is expected and just because of differences in preferences they may be labelled as different, feel estranged and then look to those of their own gender for acceptance. When they continue to lack acceptance their desire for closeness may be corrupted into feelings of need for intimacy which may be misinterpreted and then acted upon as needs for intimacy. This can be caused also by the misuse of our bodies, feeling distant from parents of our gender or from pornography. Therefore people may feel confused as to why their bodies react a certain way (towards people of their own gender and believe that is how their body is meant to act) when in reality it has just been caused by situational or environments.

Finding the right person

When looking for a dating partner it is important to first focus on what qualities and attributes you are ultimately looking for. It is easy to get caught up in the moment of romance and disregard all desires that you have for a future spouse. But a key element in a happy marriage is finding someone compatible. The more similarities and interests you share the easier it will be to have an enjoyable marriage. If you are looking for certain good qualities in someone it is important to have those qualities as well. So that you will naturally be attracted to a good person if you are doing whats right. One way to find the person is to be social. Be in atmospheres that are uplifting and that you would want to find someone in. If you are friendly and nice this will give more people the opportunity to meet you. Also if there is someone who has similar high standards such as your own it’s also convenient. When you both have similar religious backgrounds it can also help. You want to be with someone that helps you be the best person you can be. That encourages you to do good. Also someone who respects you and cares for you as you are. You want to be your true self so that you can find someone right for you.

Adjustments in marriage

When you become married you need to realize that now your life is different than it will be before.  Usually at the time of marriage we are young single adults who are at the most selfish point of our life. Most of what we do is for ourselves, and many times it’s spontaneous. When we are married we need to realize that our spouse’s needs should come above our own. This may change the dynamics of our lives and how we are used to acting on a day to day basis. I just got married this last Saturday and it has been wonderful. What has especially made our marriage sweet is the amount of things we do for the benefit of each other. For example I have been very sick since the day after our wedding and he is completely going out of his way to help me feel better. This makes me feel loved and helps me know that he will always put me first just as I will put him first.

Faithfulness in marriage

Faithfulness in marriage is so crucial. Because in marriage you need to have complete trust in each other in order to feel fulfilled and feel at peace. This trust is built over time and is very strong through the years yet can be extremely fragile and difficult to rebuild if not impossible. That is why it is of upmost importance to be completely faithful in every way. I feel that many people joke about other relationships when they are dating, but I feel this starts off their relationship on an unsure foundation. It is important to build that trust from the very beginning. Faithfulness comes in many different forms. Automatically people assume it means in actions. But it can include so much more than this. Even the act of looking at another person and desiring them is being unfaithful to your spouse and can be detrimental in marriage. I believe the same comes from dwelling on past relationships as well as gawking at television stars. We want our spouse to know that our complete love and focus is o

Dealing with Crises

In times of crises there are many different difficulties that arise. This can come from tragedies such as the death of a loved one or from the loss of a job and continuous unemployment. There can also be crises that come from loss of a home, or difficulty in family or anything that disrupts a marriage such as divorce. When dealing with crises there are different reactions that people tend to have there is being in denial where you pretend to yourself and others that it hasn’t occurred. There is placing blame were you try to victimize someone and place fault in what has happened. Sometimes a coping mechanism is ignoring that something occurred until you can figure it out. I believe the best way to deal with a crises is to lean on your family members. I have noticed when I had a trial or crises in my life I have felt most secure when my husband (or fiancé at the time) would support and comfort me.

Coming to a consensus not just a compromise

In marriage I believe it is important to work together to form an agreement of what is the most important thing to do. This is because in marriage there are two individuals who at times have two different opinions. Then when a situation comes up in which they have opposing views it can at times be difficult because both people have their own idea of how to handle it. Therefore its firstly important to include the Lord in your marriage so that he can help you make the correct decision. This can come through pondering over the issue together, expressing ideas or concerns, listening respectfully, praying beforehand and after for guidance and feelings of peace and then deciding together. In this way both people can feel right about the decision and will be strengthened together.

Father’s and their importance in the home

Fathers have a crucial importance in the home. They are able to provide and protect their families. Growing up I could always count on my dad to bring peace to the home as well. He really believed in the importance of teaching correct principles and letting us guide ourselves. Something else important about fathers is that they usually enjoy having fun with their kids. With my father we as a family went swimming, hiking, playing sports and other activities. He believed in the importance of family activities. He was also able to preside in the home and guide us in scripture study and prayers. It was really important having him set an example in the home. What else is really important is that they are a strong role model for boys which helps them build a secure attachment, as well as girls which help them know what to look for and expect in a future husband.

Active not reactive parenting

As a parent it is important to prepare to be a good parent. This means that you are preparing ahead of time to know how to teach your children. One way to do this is by making sure you and your spouse talk about the way in which you want to raise your kids. This will help you both to know the way that you will teach and discipline. By deciding ahead of time it will help you be prepared for difficulties or events that occur. That way you already know what to do in a certain situation. This means that you will have decided how to act beforehand in a peaceful setting instead of the heat of the moment. This will make sure that you treat your children in a positive good way.

Prevention of divorce

It is really important to make sure there is a strong communication in your marital relationship. This will help you both feel involved in each other’s lives which will continue to build your relationship. Strong communication can also help you both recognize the needs and wants of each other. When people talk about their deep feelings they learn to rely on each other and grow closer together. It is also important to be cautious against outside temptations and stresses against the marriage. This includes the importance of being completely faithful and honest with each other. In this way you will be able to build a strong sense of trust which can allow you both to be secure in your relationship. It is also useful of course to make sure that you look for the qualities in someone that you want in a future spouse. So that you do marry someone with similar views and therefore there will be less difficulties in marriage. It is also important to recognize that no one is perfect. Our temple sealer mentioned that we shouldn’t look for fault in each other. It is important to realize that through marriage you need to work to make it successful. As well as laugh along the way during your marriage. This will help keep peace in the home and help you to continue in happiness.

Maintaining a strong marriage to prevent the disiruption of the family

Its so crucial in a marriage to maintain communication. So many things are left unspoken that start to build up. With both parties feeling like their needs are not being met without making sure to accurately express them in a positive way to each other.
I think many communication problems can be avoided if partners focus on how something caused them to "feel" instead of expressing anger which can confuse their spouse and cause them to be defensive. It is also important to express things in an uplifting way, with an increase of love.
Such as -I love and adore that you are so sweet to want to help with the dishes, right now I really just want to be able to relax with you and then we can do the dishes later,
or
"I want to be able to provide and support you and our kids and that is why I feel like I'm not fulfilling my role when you feel the need to get a job"
In both circumstances the spouse is showing that the root of their concern is love for their spouse, this can soften the discussions and allow their partner to know that their desires is to strengthen their relationship.
It is really important to decide together in all things. This way both parties feel that their desires were heard and that they were able to reach a conclusion together. This can prevent having misunderstandings of why something happened, or feeling left out from the decision process.
It is also really important to discuss and reach a consensus about an issue involving their child, this way the child doesn't try to sneakily get their way by turning to a different parent once another parent has already said no. My father commonly would question "has your mom answered?" or he would simply refer us back to her.

The most effective and strong family structure is when biological father and mother are legally married and taking care of their children. There are many ways to strengthen a family and maintain relationships. Everything should be done to prevent against divorce because it is difficult and painful for everyone involved. And more often than not it doesn't solve the problem. Also in many cases the marriage could have been saved. Studies have shown that people who asked for a divorce yet had to wait 5 years ended up having a strong and stable marriage. Many times there are increased stresses because of work, school, finances, or children which can increase in marital dispute. Yet it is important to work together and realize the issue is with a problem and not with each other.

There are also countless difficulties that may occur in remarried families, therefore it is important to focus on strengthening your marriage and making it work. Unless there is problems involving physical or emotional abuse and infidelity that are not going to improve. There may be times when these are fixed, but when it is detrimental to your well being than it is important to get help and to decide on what is best for the safety of yourself and your children

Active not reactive parenting

Its important while focusing on parenting to treat your child in a respectful understanding way which will help them feel that their feelings are being heard and therefore will help them be more willing to listen when parents tell them what they should do.
Sometimes its easy to fall into a cycle of resorting to using punishment with our children, when in reality sometimes parents are too quick to enact punishment when there can be many other methods to helping children work with a child to come to a conclusion.
There is a difference between doing "to" a child, by forcing them into making certain decisions, instead of working "with" which is more effective.
Many times when a child is misbehaving its easy to tell the child what to do, by getting angrier and then forcing the child by using consequences. But in reality this will only cause the child (or teenager) to feel powerless and to then become defensive. Because no one wants to feel powerless, and generally this doesn't encourage positive feelings.
It is more effective to take a path that helps the child feel that he/she is able to part of the decision making, because that increases the chances of their choosing to follow through. Also if the child is able to pick a consequence, they are generally more likely to feel that it is fair. Partly we need to make sure that we give them choices which allows them to feel that they are able to learn to make good choices and being responsible for their own actions.

It is important to allow them to see that there are consequences for their actions, but we should make sure that they are natural consequences, and make sense based on the circumstance. It also helps if your child is able to decide with you ahead of time what a sensible outcome would be if they didn't follow the rules.

Also we should always speak in a positive way to our children, we should never call them names or label them because it causes them to feel more discouragement, hurt their sense of self esteem and ruin your relationship. Its important to focus on the action and not connect your child's sense of self worth based on an action. If a child is tired that doesn't mean they are "lazy" if a child is whining the problem is that they are probably tired and not reacting well, but we shouldn't say that they are a "whiner". This isn't respectful to the child and doesn't show an increase of love. If we need to correct we should first correct softly and lovingly, and then if they don't listen we can be more firm but always focus on showing love. Our children must feel of our love. It isn't enough for us to love or children, we need to show that love.

Sometimes I think parents are a little too worried about the grades. Many times parents mean well by trying to help their children to do well with school, but there can be cases when they are handling it in a way that focuses on the results of the grades instead of focusing on learning. We should help our children recognize that they really have abilities to get better, we should also help our children know that we will love them regardless of the grades. Then we want to be able to help them why its important to work hard in school, and be willing to help them.

There are some cases when as a parent you will need to step in and make the final decision, and be firm.
First- when it is dangerous- sometimes the circumstance is too dangerous to allow your children to make the decision that you know will harm them
second- If it will negatively affect or put others at risk
third- if the natural consequence is too far into the future.

Fathers and their importance in the home

 While studying on the importance of fathers in helping children I have recognized 5 specific points in which fathers significantly benefit their children. An involved loving father helps his children with education outcomes, emotional stability, social behaviors, personal safety and motor development.

Information on Fatherhood from articles and studies

In the study that was done about the importance of fathers as shown in the child welfare document on fatherhood it specifically states the importance of fathers and the natural benefits that are included academically for the child. It states that when fathers are more involved and caring with their children then they generally do better academically. This occurs partly because fathers tend to play with their infants more often than mothers do. This helps stimulate an infant’s mind and ultimately when the father is more playfully involved with their child than their children tend to have higher IQ’s as well as other heightened abilities cognitively and linguistically. The study further states that young toddlers who have very involved fathers do better on academic readiness levels when they first start school. This is partly because fathers generally encourage children more in achievement whereas mothers focus more on nurturing.

Children who have involved fathers are also more emotionally stable and secure. They become more confident in their ability to explore the world around them because fathers tend to encourage their children to explore and understand their surroundings. When fathers are more involved children are also more emotionally secure in the sense that they learn how to regulate their feelings through the playful interactions they are involved in with their father. Many times the act of rough housing with their father leads them to be able to learn how to handle and control aggressive behavior and to be in control of their emotions in general. A study done on children showed that children who had solid relationships with their fathers had less cases of depression, disruptive behavior and were more likely to be social.

In general fathers help children have positive social behaviors because fathers do help children gain a sense of confidence and security. In the study that was done as stated in the Child welfare study on fatherhood also showed that children with involved fathers were more likely to have good friends because they were more likely to avoid drugs, violence and other behavior that would be labeled as delinquent behavior. In an article on the importance of fathers posted on the website of psychology.com it explained also that girls with a loving involved father were more able to “form positive opinions of men, and be able to relate to them”. It is also proven that daughters who have a strong fatherly figure in the home who is trusting, loving and involved are more able to build strong relationships and find it easier to trust men, and therefore socially are better off in that sense as well.

When children are blessed with having an involved father in the home they are less likely to experience maltreatment. Biological fathers are statistically less likely to use forms of abuse with their children as opposed to other unrelated men living in the same home as children. Also in the article about “the importance of fathers in the healthy development of children” it states that father involvement decreased the amount of child neglect in the home. In some cases biologically related fathers do engage in abuse in the home generally if they are poverty stricken, yet the occurrences are smaller with involved caring fathers, especially when they avoid alcohol and have a solid job.

Fathers also increase a child’s ability to have good motor development. This is also due to the fact that fathers tend to be more playful and physically active with their children. In an article written by William Scott and Amy De La Hunt on the important role of father’s it stated that “six-month olds whose fathers are involved in their care score higher on tests of motor development. Later in life fathers are also more generally encouraging their children to participate in sports as they actively are involved in teaching them new skills to master.

My experiences with my Father

My Father has played such a crucial as well as immensely beneficial role in my life. My father has always been involved with me in my life. He was always loving and caring. When my father would come home from work he would be excited to see us, and would make sure to always ask each of us six kids, including my mom, what the best part of our day was. My father is a very loving and patient man, he is a hard worker and does everything for my family. I can fondly remember my father coming home and bringing my father to go and do activities. I remember going to the beach with my dad as he would teach me to surf, I remember my father bringing my siblings and I to this place called goat island where we played all day. My father always felt it was important to be able to do fun activities as a family, we would jump on the trampoline, go to scrambling hills, play tennis, play catch, throw a Frisbee and various other activities. My father also valued hard work and wanted us to be able to learn new skills. My father taught my siblings and I how to lay tile, put in grout, texture the walls, paint walls as well as cut in on the edges, put in a sink, put in laminate flooring, fix problems in the home and numerous other activities. Because of this it taught me a sense of self fulfillment. I always admired that my dad would learn how to fix something rather than simply paying someone. This taught me the value and importance of learning how to accomplish a task. My father was also a supporter of doing well in school. He wanted us to do our best. If I came home with grades my father would always ask if I did my best and that was what was important to him. He focused on effort put forth and not grades. One time I was taking his accounting class and I was doing my very best to learn the material, to do well, and at the same time connect more with my father. I studied really hard for a test and got a good grade, but it wasn’t as high as I had wanted. When I told my father he exclaimed that I must’ve worked really hard and that it was great. Then he told me something that made me feel completely loved. He said, when referring to a test for his class, that even if I had bombed the test he would’ve been proud of me. My dad really is a true father. He is incredible and is such a blessing in my life. Because of him I knew what type of man I wanted to look for that would be sweet, kind, funny, hardworking, loyal, a good father, a best friend, and a righteous man. Because of his example I am able to trust others and build strong relationships. I am also now engaged to a wonderful man that I also trust with all my heart, and I know that because of my father’s involvement in my life I was able to build that secure relationship.

Taking an active role to ensure father involvement

I believe that I have already taken an active role in ensuring that my children will have an involved father in the home. The active role I took in this was that I first sought out a righteous young man. I believed that it was important for me to marry someone who would not only be sweet to me, but would be a loving father. Because of it I focused on continuing going on dates only with people who were positive and uplifting. I wanted my children to grow up in a positive home and therefore I am attracted to men who are generally happy. I then wanted to make sure that I found someone who was nice and friendly. I figured that I wanted a husband who would be loving and supportive and that my children deserved to have a father who would be encouraging to them. I also learned because of my father’s example of the importance of hardwork. Therefore it was instilled in me the importance of hardworking verses wealthy. I knew that if I found someone who was willing to work hard that he would be able to take care of our family, and that he would teach our children to work well. I also know that because I was actively searching for a righteous man to marry that I was blessed to find my fiancé.

Through dating and courtship with him I constantly recognize the positive attributes that he has and how because of it he will be an involved loving father to our future children. I have seen how loving and sweet he is around his nephew and niece and I loved how excited he was to be involved in every aspect of their lives. When he met my eight year old sister he also adored her and was supportive of her. Something I loved and appreciated was that when I was encouraging my sister not to go into a store by herself because of danger, my fiancé Kyrk supported me in that decision and also encouraged my little sister. I saw through this experience and others similar to it that he will be an involved protective father.

 I also was aware of the way he acted towards his mother because that is a way that he will act towards our children and myself. I was very pleased to notice that he adores and respects his mother. Whenever we speak of his mother he is loving and positive because he is so grateful for her. I know that because of this he will continue to treat me well. I feel that this was a major way that I was able to actively make sure that my children and an actively engaged father. Because it is a blessing to children to have a loving and caring father and to see the way he lovingly treats their mother.

I also will continue to make decisions with him, which will be a blessing to our children o be able to have consistency in the home. We will make sure to speak kindly to each other and to our children. And he will also in the future work hours that are beneficial for our family. He has talked about how he wants to be involved in every aspect of our family. He wants to help with taking care of them and to discipline in love. Therefore I feel that as I involve him in the day to day aspects of our lives then it will encourage the desire he already has to be an involved father.

I will also continue to be supportive of him in being the head of the home. I know that this will mean that he will lead our family in activities, scriptures, prayer and discussion. I will let him know about the events that happen in our children’s lives and seek for his guidance in all things. I believe that these are some of the many ways I will take an active role in encouraging father involvement, Specifically in what I am doing now which is dating and preparing to marry a man who does plan on being loving and involved, and who will put God first, and then our family.

Coming to a consensus not just a compromise

Communication is essential in marriage, yet there are ways of communicating that can be more beneficial than others. It is important to talk about your hopes and dreams, and be trusting with each other about your feelings and vulnerability. Communication is essential yet if you only talk about surface topics you will never be able to grow closer. It is also necessary to build trust between each other through deep and meaningful communication. Also when speaking with each other on a difficult topic it is essential to focus on showing love and care for the other person and being careful with your wording as well as your tone and non verbal communications. Most of what we communicate is emphasized through non- verbal communications as well as tone. Therefore it is important to be able to speak in a loving way and show that you truly care, instead of assuming that words will demonstrate your true emotions.

When discussing an issue it is important to strive to truly listen to what the other person is saying and being willing to focus on the issue and speak in a calm manner. Many time disagreements occur because of a miscommunication. Therefore when someone is speaking it is important to focus on understanding what they are saying.

There are many ways of listening, some are more effective than others. For instance if you are speaking with someone it is important to listen with real intent, be sympathetic, and not interrupt them. Sometimes it is really easy to want to offer solutions to every problem someone talks about. However in many cases someone doesn't want solutions, they merely need someone to truly listen and care about the difficulties they are having. A useful tool in communicating is to ask clarifying questions. This can help you understand what they are really trying to say as well as help them to feel that you really care.

When making a decision with your spouse, loved one or friend its important to truly come to a consensus. This means that you both feel good about the decision that has been made. The ways that you can do this is by having counsel meetings together at a time that is convenient for both of you.
1. Start off your meeting by expressing love and appreciation for each other
2. Pray to seek the counsel and assistance of the Lord, and to have the spirit with you so that you feel peace.
3. Discuss both of your feelings in a way that focuses on how you feel (never pointing out faults in what the other person did) example: If your spouse was late coming home instead of pointing out that they were late you can mention that you missed him, worried while he was gone and was relieved that he came home safely. This helps to express your true feelings, which were that you love him and want to spend time with him. Instead of trying to hide your feelings of missing him by showing anger.
4. Close with prayer
5. Have refreshments- this is an enjoyable way to recognize that discussing together is a way to build unity, and therefore can be an enjoyable experience.

Dealing with Crises

Many times in our lives we will go through a difficult situation or crises, either individually or with the family. Sometimes crises can cause a person to become over whelemed and later depressed. yet in many cases there are ways in which of handeling the crises in order to over come it. I will list some of the negative ways people try to deal with crises, and then some positive

Placing blame- Sometimes when dealing with a crisis people try to figure out what the problem was and in doing so victimize someone or try to place blame on someone. This can happen if a lady has a miscarriage and others try to ask her if she wasn't being healthy or over exerted herself. This is a very negative way to deal with crises because it makes the person feel very alone and distraught.

Ignoring- Sometimes in the moment it is useful to try to ignore all the negative impacts that can come from the crises, but this is only effective temporarily. Because in the long term it is important to try to overcome the crises or to talk about your feelings.

Being in denial- Being in denial may help you cope temporarily but just with ignoring it is necessary to come to terms, express your feelings, rely on support and try to move on. This doesn't mean forgetting the pain, it means not letting it run your life.

Focusing on yourself- some people in crises resort to focusing on their own pain and distancing themselves from others who are also suffering. This causes everyone to suffer enormously whereas they could have turned to each other and relied on each other while helping each other through discussing their feelings.


Some positive ways to deal with crises

Draw closer together as a family- Through recognizing the difficulty of the situation and realizing that together the family is stronger, a family can turn to each other in their times of need and give and draw strength from each other.

focus on others- Focusing on others difficulties helps each person to recognize that they aren't the only one suffering and allows everyone to reach other and at the same time to be comforted. It also will help you feel comforted quicker by looking outside of yourself.

Redefining the crises- It can be very beneficial to discuss with your family or to decide to focus on what could have been positive about the experience. Also recognizing that although it is a difficulty that it can be overcome and that it is only temporary.

Trying to over come and move on/taking responsibility- In many cases a crises can be diminished by the way in which you handle the situation. There can be an increase in discussion of what to do to cope with the situation or to over come it.

Turning to the Lord- The Lord through the atonement can help us overcome difficulties. Through prayer we can recognize how much our Heavenly Father loves us and cares for us. This can help us see that sometimes there is a larger plan that He has for us. It can also help us see that the Lord can help us over come it.

Faithfulness in Marriage

Being faithful in marriage is very crucial in having a happy fulfilling eternal marriage. To be faithful includes in thought as well as in action. Many times people believe that to be true in their marriage it simply means to avoid adultery but in reality it includes so much more. This also includes loving your spouse unconditionally, and being supportive and encouraging to them. Sometimes people have difficulties in their marriage and it causes them to want to complain idly to others. This is detrimental because a small issue can build up and seem like a large problem. Also if we are positive and supportive then our spouse should also feel this love and will be more likely to respond positively.
Its also so important to be supportive of our spouse. We should be our spouses best friend and number one support system. Sometimes it can be easy to get into the habit of focusing on ourselves and wanting our needs to be met. Yet in reality a marriage requires that both partners give 100% of themselves to each other, meaning that you would put the other person first. True love would include your desire that the other person's needs are met as well as helping them to feel loved and important.
One of the leaders of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints mentions that "We marry with the understanding that we will give ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sin. Infidelity is defined as the opposite of faithfulness. We show our faithfulness to God by loving him with all our heart, might, mind, and strength (Doctrine and Covenants 4:2- can be found online). We show fidelity to our spouse in the same ways."

We should love our spouse with all our hearts and treat them as such. As we are told that the first commandment is to love God and then to love our neighbor. We should put God first and then our spouse. They should feel of our love and our devotion at all times. The way we communicate with them should also demonstrate this love. This will build our relationship and as we are showing love and affection to each other this will diminish possibilities of infidelity which usually comes from the feelings of neglect.

Also infidelity isn't only physically, it is also emotional. This includes if people who are married begin to fantasize life with a different person, or if they flirt with someone other than their spouse. Even if it begins in the thoughts it is wrong because the "thought is the father of an act" as said by President Harold B. Lee.

The adversary (Satan) tries to trick us into thinking that an affair would be getting out of the normal routines of life. But in reality it is the opposite. We wont find joy or pleasure but instead experience bitterness and anger because of the guilt that will grow.

No matter the situation we should treat our spouses with love and respect, to help them feel loved and cherished. Meaning we should discuss with them situations, have honest and open communication and never be degrading. Also so we can grow our love we should be willing to forgive quickly and be understanding. Growing the relationship in your marriage will strengthen it so that when there are difficulties that you can turn to your spouse for comfort and love and not outwards.
Chamberlain, Gray, and Reid (2005) write, “Love works and lasts when those involved are committed to their relationship regardless of how they are feeling at the time.

Cohabiting before marriage also leads to higher likelihood of an affair when they are married. Therefore it is crucial to wait until marriage to demonstrate those intimate feelings of love.

The best way to avoid an affair is to prevent it. To take caution and to focus on strengthening the marriage.
"A wise father recounted this story to his sons: Once there were three men each trying to secure a job as a teamster (wagon driver). The freight company only wanted to have the very best drivers for their wagons, so they gave each potential driver a test. The test was to drive a wagon up a steep mountain road where one side of the road was a cliff. The first driver, eager to show his superior skills as a driver, drove the wagon up the road with the wheel of the wagon right on the edge of the cliff. The second driver was even more impressive; with great skill and dexterity he managed to drive the wagon up the road with half the wagon wheel teetering over the edge of the cliff! The third driver was not so talented and drove the wagon as far from the cliff as possible. Who got the job? The third driver, of course. With wagons as well as with marriages, the moral of the story is the same: If our cargo is truly precious (and it is), we will drive our wagon as far from the cliff as possible."

Adjustments in marriage

Because I am preparing to be married I find it really interesting to learn about how to prepare for marriage and also how to know what aspects to look for in a spouse.
Specifically this week it was interesting to learn about the possible adjustments that are needed in marriage and how to lesson the change. Firstly something that is really important is to be able to really know the person you are marrying. To be best friends with them and learn how to communicate through the challenges of life is so crucial.
Some of the things that should be discussed to help strengthen marriage in the beginning is about the ideals or specific things you are wanting in a marriage.
Sometimes we assume the other person will already know what we want and need but we need to tell them. We can discuss together what we are looking for, this can include who will be taking on the chores, who will work, how to pay for bills, when you will have kids and how you will discipline your kids.
Another thing that is really important is recognizing that there will be adjustments made in marriage.
This first of all is learning to put the other person above ourselves. In marriage we need to be each others best friends.
Also recognize that there will be stresses but that if we can discuss together, then we can work all things out.
Something else really important in preparing for a new baby is to include your husband in the process.
This will connect him to yourself and the baby so he feels that this is a family development.

Finding the right person

I love the topic of finding the right person because I really do believe that I am very blessed and truly have found my best friend and eternal companion.
There are many different ways to be able to find the correct person, and this starts with ebcoming the best person you can be. I think that if there is qualities we want in a person that we marry we should also have those qualities becausse it makes it easier for us to be able to be compatable with the person. Also generally in order for us to build a strong enough relationship with someone we need to be living in a way that will attract the type of person we want to marry.

"Born that way"? Understanding the truth about same gender attraction

Heavenly Father created man and women in his own image. With the intent to build families, with a man and a women lawfully wedded in marriage, so they can raise their children in a happy safe enviornment.

However there are people who feel same gender attraction or have later in life developed these feelings.

Where do they come from? Is it something they are born with?

There are many resources and studies done to show that although these people may have had these feelings at a young age, that it isn't necessarily a biological tendancy.

That many people who have experienced these feelings have been neglected by a parent, or by peers of the same gender which causes them to have a desire to obtain validation and admiration from their peers which becomes misinterpretated as feelings and then turned into attraction, or they have been abused sexually, or corrupted by pornography. In many cases these people become confused by an event and feel neglected and then because of attention (sometimes sexual abusement by an older person) they become confused and feel these attractions. In this video shown on youtube there are people who at one point had these homosexual tendencies which were caused by mistreatment, or an unpleasent event and then later were able to recognize that they didn't want these feelings, that it was making them feel depressed and want to get over so that they could feel peace and calm. And that through therapy they were able to recognzie events that caused these homosexual tendencies and overcome them. That they were able to then feel joy, get over depression and move on with their lives.

Understanding Same-Sex Attraction- (on youtube by Family Watch International)

There were also flawed studies done trying to provo that being homosexual was something a person was born with, yet with further investigation their theory was proved incorrect and misleading and therefore later admitted that in reality there was no such thing found as a "gay gene" that in reality the brains that were tested were of older men or women who had already been engaging in many years of homosexual behavior which caused their brains to react and therefore look a certain way, which wasn't an indication that they had those tendencies at birth.

Another interesting fact was that if people were born "homosexual" then if they had an identical twin then their twin should also be homosexual, because they share the same genes, yet in reality the studies done of twins showed that only 11% of people who had a homosexual twin also had homosexual tendencies. Which showed taht it wasn't genetics, and more of nurture rather than nature.

Also many times people confuse a boys liking of art or seemingly "feminine" activities with saying- oh they must be "gay" when in reality it doesn't mean that at all. Because young children do not have these sexual tendencies and in reality sometimes they simply have hobbies that don't conform with society. But then when people notice these differences instead of recognizing that it may simply mean that the child is slightly different (maybe because of a neglectful father and over bearing mother causing him to have more feminine qualities, or no brothers and only sisters) or things like this, that they may simply have these other tendencies. But instead of thinking of this possibility people label the child causing them to think "I guess I am different" which leads to "maybe I am gay" being feminine as a male is an Entirely different thing then a boy liking another boy and having same gender attractions. there was a story shared about how someone's brother was acting "gay" at the age of 2 and therefore everyone talked about it. Well the thing is that no one at the age of 2 has sexual attractions. So he wasn't "gay" he was simply more feminine. But maybe because of the way he was treated as different and labeled, he felt that he was different and later played the role everyone said that he fit. Many times it is when a child does not have the solid support of family or friends that he feels isolated and confused from peers of his own gender and then later romanticizes the need of acceptance and this is misinterpretation into feelings of attraction. Which then is acted upon causing these same gender attractions to grow, because it was acted upon.

To feel these feelings of same gender attraction is not a sin, to act upon it however is against the Lord's plan and therefore is.Homosexuality: What Science Can and Cannot Say by Dr. Dean Byrd.

           -This document shows that the "gay gene" doesn't exist

           - evidence from twin studies disproving that people are born "gay"

           -reasons why people became homosexual, and how they overcame it

           - helping people overcome same gender attraction: Very effective,                        people feel more at peace and happier.

           - proof that sexual identity isn't fixed

           -

This book also helps people understand Same Sex attraction,

"Understanding Same sex attraction- Where to turn, and how to help"

http://familyfaithlife.weebly.com/uploads/1/3/9/1/13913896/understanding_same-sex_attraction.pdf

Video by John Stossel, called "Men, Women, and the Sex Difference" here it proves through science that our brains are made differently based on male or female. That women naturally have the desire to nurture, and men are protective.

The family is stronger together

Something that I have been reading about that rings so true in my heart is the importance of having a father and mother be involved in the home. This is shown through many different studies and in many different ways. First of all in families that only have one parent in the home it is a lot harder for the family to be able to function properly. This is because the one parent is trying so hard to take care of their kids financially that they are working most of the time, without anyone in the home for the kdis. This means that the kids will come home from school and not be able to have someone there to ask them about their day, or to make sure that they are okay. This leads to too much free time for the kids meaning that they are not always making wise choices. Sometimes this even makes kids want attention. The sad truth is that for some kids negative attention seems better to them then no attention, Meaning that they may act out because they want to get the attention from their parents. Sometimes this means that they want to act out so that their parent tries to reach out to them in concern. The best way for children to progress and feel loved is when both parents are unified, which allows there to be the father working with the mother taking care of them. This creates an atmosphere of protection and care where the children feel loved.

There are circumstances in which couples are from different ethnicity backgrounds in which many cases they felt that they had strong connections with each other. That they weren't looking to find a bi-racial relationship but that was how it turned out, that they feel in love (Marriage and Family, the quest for intimacy- Jeanette Lauer). There was also studies done about these relationships in which later problems arose because of the differences. I believe that two people who are really willing to commit and love each other can make it work, regardless of ethnicity. Yet I have noticed in these studies done that in many cases it did make the marriage more difficult because of the differences. It seemed though that certain ethnicities worked well with others. In some cases asian ladies have good relationships with americans or other cultures where the man may not be necessarily as much in charge. Also come cultures did well even if they were living in the united states, regardless of difficulties of prejudice issues that may have arisen. For example Asian american families have done very well because their parents have encouraged them to do well in school, as well as to be obedient and respectful.

Also it was very interesting to talk about the importance of the husband and wife to put their marriage first in all things, that they are working on strengthening their marriage. Many time husbands become to be less involved in their families because they are working so hard to provide. Then the mom is at home worrying about the stresses of life, which is difficult if he has work that takes him far from home. It is important for them to be able to re-connect and strengthen that relationship. recently my fiance and I were apart for 2 weeks while he was singing for the school's collegiate singers group while they were on tour. Having him be far away was very difficult and was probably some of the hardets weeks of my life. Then he came back for a week which was wonderful. But then was leaving again for 3 months. That first week was so difficult. It had already been so hard for me having him gone and then to have him gone again was even worse because we were planning for our wedding and I felt overwhelmed in needing to do it all alone. Then in our marriage and family class we discussed the importance of having the couple be able to connect with each other and be there for each other. So then I asked the question about the couples that Have to be apart in which it was explained to me that sure it can be "possible" for couples to basically live apart, that they can make it work but it is very difficult. That it was actually advised against. Because then the couple grows apart, and they can start relying on other people for comfort or help. (which makes sense because he being far away couldn't hold me when I was crying or worried- and in fact every time he left my eyes became bloodshot and wouldn't clear up, and I began to just go through my days focusing on the task at hand, trying not to feel because that would make it harder). Then our professor (Br. Williams) mentioned that "you are working to build a marriage, not finance". And it hit me really hard because that is what marriage is for, that you have someone you love and care about and that you can be there for each other and lean on each other, and be able to trust them in all things.
Hearing these things made me desperately want my fiance to come back from where we was going to be for the next few months but I knew I couldn't ask for that because he needed to be there and needed to work. I did feel strongly though that it was important for couples to be able to be close to each other to give that support. And I had been worrying about it being difficult to be apart until the couple days before our wedding.

 Right after that class I checked my phone and my fiance had mentioned that maybe there WAS a chance that he could come back.
I was So hopeful that this could be possible.
He then let me know that he had felt an impression by the spirit that I had been having a hard time, and I confirmed that I had. He then said he would come back and that he would never leave again.

The next day he was in a car on his way back to me, he was able to rent an apartment close to me, and has a job interview for a place in town.
Him coming back was the most wonderful experience ever.
It strengthened our relationship, and my health improved (and my eyes cleared up).
It helped me to see how important it really was for couples to be able to be together and to give that support and care. Which confirmed what I already knew about the importance of married couples being able to give that time and attention to each other.

The importance of our relationships in the family

The blessing of having a family is enormous, and sometimes I believe that we don't really recognize how important families are. Families are the central unit and the place in which we can feel the most safety, love and attachment to other people. Families are made in a way so that the parents can provide and the kids can interact with each other in a safe trusting environment. The family is crucial to our success as well as our ability to adapt in social circumstances. The families that are the most effective is when there is a father and a mother who are committed to each other and committed to their children. There was an American Psycological association study done that tried to claim that children raised from a family where both parents were of the same gender didn't have any negative impact on the children. Later in depth research proved that there wasn't actually any accurate studies done to prove this point and that in fact in a study that was done where it involved children's achievement in school and the children who had both of their parents (father and a mother) had the greatest achievements as well as social skills. This is very interesting because children not only need this stability but they benefit from a stable family life.

Something else interesting is that we are social creatures. Meaning we need human interaction and more than that we need the bonds that come from loving relationships. Children who grow up without the connection and love of parents (such as in orphanages) struggle to have future connections with other people. This is because we need that validation as well as that loving attention. Our lives feel fulfilled when we have intimacy in our lives. We naturally have a desire to have close connections with others as said in "Marriage and Family" by Robert H. Lauer that "the drive to establish connection and intimacy with another person is powerful and universal- all people in all societies are driven to make intimate connections with others". I believe this is because there is so many difficulties in our lives that we need others and we rely on them. This is shown especially with children and how they interact with their parents. When parents give this needed attention to their children, the child naturally is benefited and later in life have "higher levels of self-esteem and with greater emotional strength in adulthood"

Starting off with Family Relations

Family Relations are so important and ultimately family is central to Heavenly father's plan for us. Many times there are people who lose sight of this great aspect of the Gospel or of their lives and try to find joy in other worldly tings. But ultimately the family is where they can experience the greatest satisfaction in ways of joy, love, care and concern for others.
I feel that there are many ways to strengthen families but many times we aren't sure of what these ways are.
Firstly I would say that one of the greatest ways to strengthen the families is to include God in your relationship. Whenever you as a couple are making a decision it must include Heavenly Father in order to fully be able to choose correctly a decision that can bless you the most.
What is wonderful is that we are all children of our loving Heavenly Father and therefore he wants to bless all of us, this includes our (future/present) children.
We should recognize as we raise children that they are ultimately His, and therefore with him being the perfect parent we should turn to him constantly in prayer for guidance to know how we can correctly teach our children,
The same principle can be related to relationships. If you truly love the Lord and the person you are with then you will try to put them first. When this is occurring there will naturally be more fulfilling relationships because they will be based on care and concern for the other.

I am excited to learn further about the importance of families and their interactions with each other, and learn how we might strengthen these important bonds.

Also I truthfully and completely believe that Heavenly Father wants to bless and strengthen families, and if we are desirous to make them work then He can bless us with added patience, love and faith necessary to have a blissful family life. There will be challenges but as we include the Lord and strove to be humble and show compassionate love then I believe we will ultimately have happy thriving families.