Saturday, May 30, 2015

Finding the right person

I love the topic of finding the right person because I really do believe that I am very blessed and truly have found my best friend and eternal companion.
There are many different ways to be able to find the correct person, and this starts with ebcoming the best person you can be. I think that if there is qualities we want in a person that we marry we should also have those qualities becausse it makes it easier for us to be able to be compatable with the person. Also generally in order for us to build a strong enough relationship with someone we need to be living in a way that will attract the type of person we want to marry.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

"Born that way"? Understanding the truth about same gender attraction

Heavenly Father created man and women in his own image. With the intent to build families, with a man and a women lawfully wedded in marriage, so they can raise their children in a happy safe enviornment.
However there are people who feel same gender attraction or have later in life developed these feelings.
Where do they come from? Is it something they are born with?
There are many resources and studies done to show that although these people may have had these feelings at a young age, that it isn't necessarily a biological tendancy.
That many people who have experienced these feelings have been neglected by a parent, or by peers of the same gender which causes them to have a desire to obtain validation and admiration from their peers which becomes misinterpretated as feelings and then turned into attraction, or they have been abused sexually, or corrupted by pornography. In many cases these people become confused by an event and feel neglected and then because of attention (sometimes sexual abusement by an older person) they become confused and feel these attractions. In this video shown on youtube there are people who at one point had these homosexual tendencies which were caused by mistreatment, or an unpleasent event and then later were able to recognize that they didn't want these feelings, that it was making them feel depressed and want to get over so that they could feel peace and calm. And that through therapy they were able to recognzie events that caused these homosexual tendencies and overcome them. That they were able to then feel joy, get over depression and move on with their lives.

Understanding Same-Sex Attraction- (on youtube by Family Watch International)

There were also flawed studies done trying to provo that being homosexual was something a person was born with, yet with further investigation their theory was proved incorrect and misleading and therefore later admitted that in reality there was no such thing found as a "gay gene" that in reality the brains that were tested were of older men or women who had already been engaging in many years of homosexual behavior which caused their brains to react and therefore look a certain way, which wasn't an indication that they had those tendencies at birth.

Another interesting fact was that if people were born "homosexual" then if they had an identical twin then their twin should also be homosexual, because they share the same genes, yet in reality the studies done of twins showed that only 11% of people who had a homosexual twin also had homosexual tendencies. Which showed taht it wasn't genetics, and more of nurture rather than nature.

Also many times people confuse a boys liking of art or seemingly "feminine" activities with saying- oh they must be "gay" when in reality it doesn't mean that at all. Because young children do not have these sexual tendencies and in reality sometimes they simply have hobbies that don't conform with society. But then when people notice these differences instead of recognizing that it may simply mean that the child is slightly different (maybe because of a neglectful father and over bearing mother causing him to have more feminine qualities, or no brothers and only sisters) or things like this, that they may simply have these other tendencies. But instead of thinking of this possibility people label the child causing them to think "I guess I am different" which leads to "maybe I am gay" being feminine as a male is an Entirely different thing then a boy liking another boy and having same gender attractions. there was a story shared about how someone's brother was acting "gay" at the age of 2 and therefore everyone talked about it. Well the thing is that no one at the age of 2 has sexual attractions. So he wasn't "gay" he was simply more feminine. But maybe because of the way he was treated as different and labeled, he felt that he was different and later played the role everyone said that he fit. Many times it is when a child does not have the solid support of family or friends that he feels isolated and confused from peers of his own gender and then later romanticizes the need of acceptance and this is misinterpretation into feelings of attraction. Which then is acted upon causing these same gender attractions to grow, because it was acted upon.

To feel these feelings of same gender attraction is not a sin, to act upon it however is against the Lord's plan and therefore is.Homosexuality: What Science Can and Cannot Say by Dr. Dean Byrd.

           -This document shows that the "gay gene" doesn't exist

           - evidence from twin studies disproving that people are born "gay"

           -reasons why people became homosexual, and how they overcame it

           - helping people overcome same gender attraction: Very effective,                        people feel more at peace and happier.

           - proof that sexual identity isn't fixed


This book also helps people understand Same Sex attraction,

"Understanding Same sex attraction- Where to turn, and how to help"

Video by John Stossel, called "Men, Women, and the Sex Difference" here it proves through science that our brains are made differently based on male or female. That women naturally have the desire to nurture, and men are protective.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

The family is stronger together

Something that I have been reading about that rings so true in my heart is the importance of having a father and mother be involved in the home. This is shown through many different studies and in many different ways. First of all in families that only have one parent in the home it is a lot harder for the family to be able to function properly. This is because the one parent is trying so hard to take care of their kids financially that they are working most of the time, without anyone in the home for the kdis. This means that the kids will come home from school and not be able to have someone there to ask them about their day, or to make sure that they are okay. This leads to too much free time for the kids meaning that they are not always making wise choices. Sometimes this even makes kids want attention. The sad truth is that for some kids negative attention seems better to them then no attention, Meaning that they may act out because they want to get the attention from their parents. Sometimes this means that they want to act out so that their parent tries to reach out to them in concern. The best way for children to progress and feel loved is when both parents are unified, which allows there to be the father working with the mother taking care of them. This creates an atmosphere of protection and care where the children feel loved.

There are circumstances in which couples are from different ethnicity backgrounds in which many cases they felt that they had strong connections with each other. That they weren't looking to find a bi-racial relationship but that was how it turned out, that they feel in love (Marriage and Family, the quest for intimacy- Jeanette Lauer). There was also studies done about these relationships in which later problems arose because of the differences. I believe that two people who are really willing to commit and love each other can make it work, regardless of ethnicity. Yet I have noticed in these studies done that in many cases it did make the marriage more difficult because of the differences. It seemed though that certain ethnicities worked well with others. In some cases asian ladies have good relationships with americans or other cultures where the man may not be necessarily as much in charge. Also come cultures did well even if they were living in the united states, regardless of difficulties of prejudice issues that may have arisen. For example Asian american families have done very well because their parents have encouraged them to do well in school, as well as to be obedient and respectful.

Also it was very interesting to talk about the importance of the husband and wife to put their marriage first in all things, that they are working on strengthening their marriage. Many time husbands become to be less involved in their families because they are working so hard to provide. Then the mom is at home worrying about the stresses of life, which is difficult if he has work that takes him far from home. It is important for them to be able to re-connect and strengthen that relationship. recently my fiance and I were apart for 2 weeks while he was singing for the school's collegiate singers group while they were on tour. Having him be far away was very difficult and was probably some of the hardets weeks of my life. Then he came back for a week which was wonderful. But then was leaving again for 3 months. That first week was so difficult. It had already been so hard for me having him gone and then to have him gone again was even worse because we were planning for our wedding and I felt overwhelmed in needing to do it all alone. Then in our marriage and family class we discussed the importance of having the couple be able to connect with each other and be there for each other. So then I asked the question about the couples that Have to be apart in which it was explained to me that sure it can be "possible" for couples to basically live apart, that they can make it work but it is very difficult. That it was actually advised against. Because then the couple grows apart, and they can start relying on other people for comfort or help. (which makes sense because he being far away couldn't hold me when I was crying or worried- and in fact every time he left my eyes became bloodshot and wouldn't clear up, and I began to just go through my days focusing on the task at hand, trying not to feel because that would make it harder). Then our professor (Br. Williams) mentioned that "you are working to build a marriage, not finance". And it hit me really hard because that is what marriage is for, that you have someone you love and care about and that you can be there for each other and lean on each other, and be able to trust them in all things.
Hearing these things made me desperately want my fiance to come back from where we was going to be for the next few months but I knew I couldn't ask for that because he needed to be there and needed to work. I did feel strongly though that it was important for couples to be able to be close to each other to give that support. And I had been worrying about it being difficult to be apart until the couple days before our wedding.

 Right after that class I checked my phone and my fiance had mentioned that maybe there WAS a chance that he could come back.
I was So hopeful that this could be possible.
He then let me know that he had felt an impression by the spirit that I had been having a hard time, and I confirmed that I had. He then said he would come back and that he would never leave again.

The next day he was in a car on his way back to me, he was able to rent an apartment close to me, and has a job interview for a place in town.
Him coming back was the most wonderful experience ever.
It strengthened our relationship, and my health improved (and my eyes cleared up).
It helped me to see how important it really was for couples to be able to be together and to give that support and care. Which confirmed what I already knew about the importance of married couples being able to give that time and attention to each other.

Friday, May 1, 2015

The importance of our relationships in the family

The blessing of having a family is enormous, and sometimes I believe that we don't really recognize how important families are. Families are the central unit and the place in which we can feel the most safety, love and attachment to other people. Families are made in a way so that the parents can provide and the kids can interact with each other in a safe trusting environment. The family is crucial to our success as well as our ability to adapt in social circumstances. The families that are the most effective is when there is a father and a mother who are committed to each other and committed to their children. There was an American Psycological association study done that tried to claim that children raised from a family where both parents were of the same gender didn't have any negative impact on the children. Later in depth research proved that there wasn't actually any accurate studies done to prove this point and that in fact in a study that was done where it involved children's achievement in school and the children who had both of their parents (father and a mother) had the greatest achievements as well as social skills. This is very interesting because children not only need this stability but they benefit from a stable family life.

Something else interesting is that we are social creatures. Meaning we need human interaction and more than that we need the bonds that come from loving relationships. Children who grow up without the connection and love of parents (such as in orphanages) struggle to have future connections with other people. This is because we need that validation as well as that loving attention. Our lives feel fulfilled when we have intimacy in our lives. We naturally have a desire to have close connections with others as said in "Marriage and Family" by Robert H. Lauer that "the drive to establish connection and intimacy with another person is powerful and universal- all people in all societies are driven to make intimate connections with others". I believe this is because there is so many difficulties in our lives that we need others and we rely on them. This is shown especially with children and how they interact with their parents. When parents give this needed attention to their children, the child naturally is benefited and later in life have "higher levels of self-esteem and with greater emotional strength in adulthood"