10 principles

10 principles of the Importance of family relationships-

Kelsey Kimball (Taylor)

Family is stronger together-

Family is stronger when they rely on each other. Father and mother both have an important role in the family to take care of their children. It is crucial for them to love and care for each other as well as for their children. With both parents in the home it is easier for children to feel safe and secure. When knowing that their parents love each other it will bring peace of mind to a child. It is also very important to have both father and mother because they both have important and crucial roles in the family. With the father in the home there is protection from outside dangers as well as the safety that comes from having a home and food. With a mother there is the compassion and care that comes from a caring mother with clean clothes and prepared food. I believe that they have opposite and equal roles that help children be taken care of completely.

Born that way?

There has been confusion in the world about the gender roles. Yet Heavenly father created Adam and eve to be husband and wife. This means that he created a man to love and take care of a woman, and woman to love and cling to a man. He made our bodies and therefore biologically we are meant to be attracted to the opposite gender. This also means that before this life we already had our genders and were either male or female. The world has become corrupt and has caused confusion in the lives of young people. Sometimes a child will act differently than what is expected and just because of differences in preferences they may be labelled as different, feel estranged and then look to those of their own gender for acceptance. When they continue to lack acceptance their desire for closeness may be corrupted into feelings of need for intimacy which may be misinterpreted and then acted upon as needs for intimacy. This can be caused also by the misuse of our bodies, feeling distant from parents of our gender or from pornography. Therefore people may feel confused as to why their bodies react a certain way (towards people of their own gender and believe that is how their body is meant to act) when in reality it has just been caused by situational or environments.

Finding the right person

When looking for a dating partner it is important to first focus on what qualities and attributes you are ultimately looking for. It is easy to get caught up in the moment of romance and disregard all desires that you have for a future spouse. But a key element in a happy marriage is finding someone compatible. The more similarities and interests you share the easier it will be to have an enjoyable marriage. If you are looking for certain good qualities in someone it is important to have those qualities as well. So that you will naturally be attracted to a good person if you are doing whats right. One way to find the person is to be social. Be in atmospheres that are uplifting and that you would want to find someone in. If you are friendly and nice this will give more people the opportunity to meet you. Also if there is someone who has similar high standards such as your own it’s also convenient. When you both have similar religious backgrounds it can also help. You want to be with someone that helps you be the best person you can be. That encourages you to do good. Also someone who respects you and cares for you as you are. You want to be your true self so that you can find someone right for you.

Adjustments in marriage

When you become married you need to realize that now your life is different than it will be before.  Usually at the time of marriage we are young single adults who are at the most selfish point of our life. Most of what we do is for ourselves, and many times it’s spontaneous. When we are married we need to realize that our spouse’s needs should come above our own. This may change the dynamics of our lives and how we are used to acting on a day to day basis. I just got married this last Saturday and it has been wonderful. What has especially made our marriage sweet is the amount of things we do for the benefit of each other. For example I have been very sick since the day after our wedding and he is completely going out of his way to help me feel better. This makes me feel loved and helps me know that he will always put me first just as I will put him first.

Faithfulness in marriage

Faithfulness in marriage is so crucial. Because in marriage you need to have complete trust in each other in order to feel fulfilled and feel at peace. This trust is built over time and is very strong through the years yet can be extremely fragile and difficult to rebuild if not impossible. That is why it is of upmost importance to be completely faithful in every way. I feel that many people joke about other relationships when they are dating, but I feel this starts off their relationship on an unsure foundation. It is important to build that trust from the very beginning. Faithfulness comes in many different forms. Automatically people assume it means in actions. But it can include so much more than this. Even the act of looking at another person and desiring them is being unfaithful to your spouse and can be detrimental in marriage. I believe the same comes from dwelling on past relationships as well as gawking at television stars. We want our spouse to know that our complete love and focus is o

Dealing with Crises

In times of crises there are many different difficulties that arise. This can come from tragedies such as the death of a loved one or from the loss of a job and continuous unemployment. There can also be crises that come from loss of a home, or difficulty in family or anything that disrupts a marriage such as divorce. When dealing with crises there are different reactions that people tend to have there is being in denial where you pretend to yourself and others that it hasn’t occurred. There is placing blame were you try to victimize someone and place fault in what has happened. Sometimes a coping mechanism is ignoring that something occurred until you can figure it out. I believe the best way to deal with a crises is to lean on your family members. I have noticed when I had a trial or crises in my life I have felt most secure when my husband (or fiancé at the time) would support and comfort me.

Coming to a consensus not just a compromise

In marriage I believe it is important to work together to form an agreement of what is the most important thing to do. This is because in marriage there are two individuals who at times have two different opinions. Then when a situation comes up in which they have opposing views it can at times be difficult because both people have their own idea of how to handle it. Therefore its firstly important to include the Lord in your marriage so that he can help you make the correct decision. This can come through pondering over the issue together, expressing ideas or concerns, listening respectfully, praying beforehand and after for guidance and feelings of peace and then deciding together. In this way both people can feel right about the decision and will be strengthened together.

Father’s and their importance in the home

Fathers have a crucial importance in the home. They are able to provide and protect their families. Growing up I could always count on my dad to bring peace to the home as well. He really believed in the importance of teaching correct principles and letting us guide ourselves. Something else important about fathers is that they usually enjoy having fun with their kids. With my father we as a family went swimming, hiking, playing sports and other activities. He believed in the importance of family activities. He was also able to preside in the home and guide us in scripture study and prayers. It was really important having him set an example in the home. What else is really important is that they are a strong role model for boys which helps them build a secure attachment, as well as girls which help them know what to look for and expect in a future husband.

Active not reactive parenting

As a parent it is important to prepare to be a good parent. This means that you are preparing ahead of time to know how to teach your children. One way to do this is by making sure you and your spouse talk about the way in which you want to raise your kids. This will help you both to know the way that you will teach and discipline. By deciding ahead of time it will help you be prepared for difficulties or events that occur. That way you already know what to do in a certain situation. This means that you will have decided how to act beforehand in a peaceful setting instead of the heat of the moment. This will make sure that you treat your children in a positive good way.

Prevention of divorce

It is really important to make sure there is a strong communication in your marital relationship. This will help you both feel involved in each other’s lives which will continue to build your relationship. Strong communication can also help you both recognize the needs and wants of each other. When people talk about their deep feelings they learn to rely on each other and grow closer together. It is also important to be cautious against outside temptations and stresses against the marriage. This includes the importance of being completely faithful and honest with each other. In this way you will be able to build a strong sense of trust which can allow you both to be secure in your relationship. It is also useful of course to make sure that you look for the qualities in someone that you want in a future spouse. So that you do marry someone with similar views and therefore there will be less difficulties in marriage. It is also important to recognize that no one is perfect. Our temple sealer mentioned that we shouldn’t look for fault in each other. It is important to realize that through marriage you need to work to make it successful. As well as laugh along the way during your marriage. This will help keep peace in the home and help you to continue in happiness.

Maintaining a strong marriage to prevent the disiruption of the family

Its so crucial in a marriage to maintain communication. So many things are left unspoken that start to build up. With both parties feeling like their needs are not being met without making sure to accurately express them in a positive way to each other.
I think many communication problems can be avoided if partners focus on how something caused them to "feel" instead of expressing anger which can confuse their spouse and cause them to be defensive. It is also important to express things in an uplifting way, with an increase of love.
Such as -I love and adore that you are so sweet to want to help with the dishes, right now I really just want to be able to relax with you and then we can do the dishes later,
or
"I want to be able to provide and support you and our kids and that is why I feel like I'm not fulfilling my role when you feel the need to get a job"
In both circumstances the spouse is showing that the root of their concern is love for their spouse, this can soften the discussions and allow their partner to know that their desires is to strengthen their relationship.
It is really important to decide together in all things. This way both parties feel that their desires were heard and that they were able to reach a conclusion together. This can prevent having misunderstandings of why something happened, or feeling left out from the decision process.
It is also really important to discuss and reach a consensus about an issue involving their child, this way the child doesn't try to sneakily get their way by turning to a different parent once another parent has already said no. My father commonly would question "has your mom answered?" or he would simply refer us back to her.

The most effective and strong family structure is when biological father and mother are legally married and taking care of their children. There are many ways to strengthen a family and maintain relationships. Everything should be done to prevent against divorce because it is difficult and painful for everyone involved. And more often than not it doesn't solve the problem. Also in many cases the marriage could have been saved. Studies have shown that people who asked for a divorce yet had to wait 5 years ended up having a strong and stable marriage. Many times there are increased stresses because of work, school, finances, or children which can increase in marital dispute. Yet it is important to work together and realize the issue is with a problem and not with each other.

There are also countless difficulties that may occur in remarried families, therefore it is important to focus on strengthening your marriage and making it work. Unless there is problems involving physical or emotional abuse and infidelity that are not going to improve. There may be times when these are fixed, but when it is detrimental to your well being than it is important to get help and to decide on what is best for the safety of yourself and your children

Active not reactive parenting

Its important while focusing on parenting to treat your child in a respectful understanding way which will help them feel that their feelings are being heard and therefore will help them be more willing to listen when parents tell them what they should do.
Sometimes its easy to fall into a cycle of resorting to using punishment with our children, when in reality sometimes parents are too quick to enact punishment when there can be many other methods to helping children work with a child to come to a conclusion.
There is a difference between doing "to" a child, by forcing them into making certain decisions, instead of working "with" which is more effective.
Many times when a child is misbehaving its easy to tell the child what to do, by getting angrier and then forcing the child by using consequences. But in reality this will only cause the child (or teenager) to feel powerless and to then become defensive. Because no one wants to feel powerless, and generally this doesn't encourage positive feelings.
It is more effective to take a path that helps the child feel that he/she is able to part of the decision making, because that increases the chances of their choosing to follow through. Also if the child is able to pick a consequence, they are generally more likely to feel that it is fair. Partly we need to make sure that we give them choices which allows them to feel that they are able to learn to make good choices and being responsible for their own actions.

It is important to allow them to see that there are consequences for their actions, but we should make sure that they are natural consequences, and make sense based on the circumstance. It also helps if your child is able to decide with you ahead of time what a sensible outcome would be if they didn't follow the rules.

Also we should always speak in a positive way to our children, we should never call them names or label them because it causes them to feel more discouragement, hurt their sense of self esteem and ruin your relationship. Its important to focus on the action and not connect your child's sense of self worth based on an action. If a child is tired that doesn't mean they are "lazy" if a child is whining the problem is that they are probably tired and not reacting well, but we shouldn't say that they are a "whiner". This isn't respectful to the child and doesn't show an increase of love. If we need to correct we should first correct softly and lovingly, and then if they don't listen we can be more firm but always focus on showing love. Our children must feel of our love. It isn't enough for us to love or children, we need to show that love.

Sometimes I think parents are a little too worried about the grades. Many times parents mean well by trying to help their children to do well with school, but there can be cases when they are handling it in a way that focuses on the results of the grades instead of focusing on learning. We should help our children recognize that they really have abilities to get better, we should also help our children know that we will love them regardless of the grades. Then we want to be able to help them why its important to work hard in school, and be willing to help them.

There are some cases when as a parent you will need to step in and make the final decision, and be firm.
First- when it is dangerous- sometimes the circumstance is too dangerous to allow your children to make the decision that you know will harm them
second- If it will negatively affect or put others at risk
third- if the natural consequence is too far into the future.

Fathers and their importance in the home

 While studying on the importance of fathers in helping children I have recognized 5 specific points in which fathers significantly benefit their children. An involved loving father helps his children with education outcomes, emotional stability, social behaviors, personal safety and motor development.

Information on Fatherhood from articles and studies

In the study that was done about the importance of fathers as shown in the child welfare document on fatherhood it specifically states the importance of fathers and the natural benefits that are included academically for the child. It states that when fathers are more involved and caring with their children then they generally do better academically. This occurs partly because fathers tend to play with their infants more often than mothers do. This helps stimulate an infant’s mind and ultimately when the father is more playfully involved with their child than their children tend to have higher IQ’s as well as other heightened abilities cognitively and linguistically. The study further states that young toddlers who have very involved fathers do better on academic readiness levels when they first start school. This is partly because fathers generally encourage children more in achievement whereas mothers focus more on nurturing.

Children who have involved fathers are also more emotionally stable and secure. They become more confident in their ability to explore the world around them because fathers tend to encourage their children to explore and understand their surroundings. When fathers are more involved children are also more emotionally secure in the sense that they learn how to regulate their feelings through the playful interactions they are involved in with their father. Many times the act of rough housing with their father leads them to be able to learn how to handle and control aggressive behavior and to be in control of their emotions in general. A study done on children showed that children who had solid relationships with their fathers had less cases of depression, disruptive behavior and were more likely to be social.

In general fathers help children have positive social behaviors because fathers do help children gain a sense of confidence and security. In the study that was done as stated in the Child welfare study on fatherhood also showed that children with involved fathers were more likely to have good friends because they were more likely to avoid drugs, violence and other behavior that would be labeled as delinquent behavior. In an article on the importance of fathers posted on the website of psychology.com it explained also that girls with a loving involved father were more able to “form positive opinions of men, and be able to relate to them”. It is also proven that daughters who have a strong fatherly figure in the home who is trusting, loving and involved are more able to build strong relationships and find it easier to trust men, and therefore socially are better off in that sense as well.

When children are blessed with having an involved father in the home they are less likely to experience maltreatment. Biological fathers are statistically less likely to use forms of abuse with their children as opposed to other unrelated men living in the same home as children. Also in the article about “the importance of fathers in the healthy development of children” it states that father involvement decreased the amount of child neglect in the home. In some cases biologically related fathers do engage in abuse in the home generally if they are poverty stricken, yet the occurrences are smaller with involved caring fathers, especially when they avoid alcohol and have a solid job.

Fathers also increase a child’s ability to have good motor development. This is also due to the fact that fathers tend to be more playful and physically active with their children. In an article written by William Scott and Amy De La Hunt on the important role of father’s it stated that “six-month olds whose fathers are involved in their care score higher on tests of motor development. Later in life fathers are also more generally encouraging their children to participate in sports as they actively are involved in teaching them new skills to master.

My experiences with my Father

My Father has played such a crucial as well as immensely beneficial role in my life. My father has always been involved with me in my life. He was always loving and caring. When my father would come home from work he would be excited to see us, and would make sure to always ask each of us six kids, including my mom, what the best part of our day was. My father is a very loving and patient man, he is a hard worker and does everything for my family. I can fondly remember my father coming home and bringing my father to go and do activities. I remember going to the beach with my dad as he would teach me to surf, I remember my father bringing my siblings and I to this place called goat island where we played all day. My father always felt it was important to be able to do fun activities as a family, we would jump on the trampoline, go to scrambling hills, play tennis, play catch, throw a Frisbee and various other activities. My father also valued hard work and wanted us to be able to learn new skills. My father taught my siblings and I how to lay tile, put in grout, texture the walls, paint walls as well as cut in on the edges, put in a sink, put in laminate flooring, fix problems in the home and numerous other activities. Because of this it taught me a sense of self fulfillment. I always admired that my dad would learn how to fix something rather than simply paying someone. This taught me the value and importance of learning how to accomplish a task. My father was also a supporter of doing well in school. He wanted us to do our best. If I came home with grades my father would always ask if I did my best and that was what was important to him. He focused on effort put forth and not grades. One time I was taking his accounting class and I was doing my very best to learn the material, to do well, and at the same time connect more with my father. I studied really hard for a test and got a good grade, but it wasn’t as high as I had wanted. When I told my father he exclaimed that I must’ve worked really hard and that it was great. Then he told me something that made me feel completely loved. He said, when referring to a test for his class, that even if I had bombed the test he would’ve been proud of me. My dad really is a true father. He is incredible and is such a blessing in my life. Because of him I knew what type of man I wanted to look for that would be sweet, kind, funny, hardworking, loyal, a good father, a best friend, and a righteous man. Because of his example I am able to trust others and build strong relationships. I am also now engaged to a wonderful man that I also trust with all my heart, and I know that because of my father’s involvement in my life I was able to build that secure relationship.

Taking an active role to ensure father involvement

I believe that I have already taken an active role in ensuring that my children will have an involved father in the home. The active role I took in this was that I first sought out a righteous young man. I believed that it was important for me to marry someone who would not only be sweet to me, but would be a loving father. Because of it I focused on continuing going on dates only with people who were positive and uplifting. I wanted my children to grow up in a positive home and therefore I am attracted to men who are generally happy. I then wanted to make sure that I found someone who was nice and friendly. I figured that I wanted a husband who would be loving and supportive and that my children deserved to have a father who would be encouraging to them. I also learned because of my father’s example of the importance of hardwork. Therefore it was instilled in me the importance of hardworking verses wealthy. I knew that if I found someone who was willing to work hard that he would be able to take care of our family, and that he would teach our children to work well. I also know that because I was actively searching for a righteous man to marry that I was blessed to find my fiancé.

Through dating and courtship with him I constantly recognize the positive attributes that he has and how because of it he will be an involved loving father to our future children. I have seen how loving and sweet he is around his nephew and niece and I loved how excited he was to be involved in every aspect of their lives. When he met my eight year old sister he also adored her and was supportive of her. Something I loved and appreciated was that when I was encouraging my sister not to go into a store by herself because of danger, my fiancé Kyrk supported me in that decision and also encouraged my little sister. I saw through this experience and others similar to it that he will be an involved protective father.

 I also was aware of the way he acted towards his mother because that is a way that he will act towards our children and myself. I was very pleased to notice that he adores and respects his mother. Whenever we speak of his mother he is loving and positive because he is so grateful for her. I know that because of this he will continue to treat me well. I feel that this was a major way that I was able to actively make sure that my children and an actively engaged father. Because it is a blessing to children to have a loving and caring father and to see the way he lovingly treats their mother.

I also will continue to make decisions with him, which will be a blessing to our children o be able to have consistency in the home. We will make sure to speak kindly to each other and to our children. And he will also in the future work hours that are beneficial for our family. He has talked about how he wants to be involved in every aspect of our family. He wants to help with taking care of them and to discipline in love. Therefore I feel that as I involve him in the day to day aspects of our lives then it will encourage the desire he already has to be an involved father.

I will also continue to be supportive of him in being the head of the home. I know that this will mean that he will lead our family in activities, scriptures, prayer and discussion. I will let him know about the events that happen in our children’s lives and seek for his guidance in all things. I believe that these are some of the many ways I will take an active role in encouraging father involvement, Specifically in what I am doing now which is dating and preparing to marry a man who does plan on being loving and involved, and who will put God first, and then our family.